The Lost Evening
by Xenitha
Summary: The Butler's Ball in Gotham causes many troubles to Alfred, who can't find a date, with far reaching repercussions... These combined drabbles were written for the Bludhaven Summer Tournament Fiction Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

THE LOST EVENING, PART 1

Alfred frowned at his old fashioned address book. In prior years, he had always asked Dr. Leslie Thompkins to be his escort to the annual Butlers' Ball. This year, alas, Dr. Thompkins was unavailable. She was currently attending a medical conference in Florida. Regrettably, it was looking like he would have to attend the event...shudder...stag.

He heard a light tap on the door of his study and got up to open it. Bruce Wayne stood uncertainly in the hallway. "Can you help me with my cuff links?" He held out his arms like a little boy.

Tsking to himself, Alfred quickly fastened the offending articles. "Going out tonight, sir?"

"Yes, I'm taking Silver St. Cloud to the theater and then a late supper," Brue replied with a dreamy smile on his face. Alfred had seen the look before. The trouble with his master wasn't that he never fell in love, but that he did so with astonishing ease. It was the darker side of his life that prevented him from committing to any one woman for very long.

Meditating on that, and the love interest before Miss St. Cloud, Alfred had an idea.

"Sir, the Butler's Ball is rapidly approaching. I...er...find myself without a date..." Alfred said hesitantly. "Dr. Thompkins is attending an out of state convention just now..."

Bruce smiled. "How can I help, Alfred?"

"Would you have any objection if I asked Miss Kyle to escort me? I believe that she might enjoy the ball and I understand that she is currently on parole..." Alfred looked at Bruce's face for cues. It wouldn't do to poach on the master's territory.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," Bruce said without a trace of jealousy. "By all means, ask her."

"Thank you, sir," Alfred said in relief. "I believe I will."

After Wayne had left for the evening, Alfred made the call. To his surprise, Miss Kyle was delighted.

"Why Alfred, I am touched and flattered that you would ask me," Selina Kyle said. "I'd love to go to the ball with you."

A weight lifted from his mind, Alfred thanked her. "Thank you, Miss Kyle. I will pick you up on Saturday at eight sharp."

"Selina. Call me Selina," she purred.

On the night, Alfred carefully parked the Rolls in front of Selina's apartment building. He nervously adjusted his tux and picked up the plastic box from the passenger's seat, then took the elevator to the sixth floor.

A gentle tap on her door and Selina answered. She was gorgeous, in a designer gown of white silk with tiny crystals. Alfred extended the box to her.

"I do hope that I chose the corsage well, Miss Kyle," he said.

"It's lovely." She allowed Alfred to pin the corsage to her dress. "I see that you've chosen a rose for the main flower, but what are the tiny purple ones behind it?"

"Why Miss Kyle, surely you know," Alfred said urbanely. "They are catnip blossoms."


	2. Whatever Will the Master Say?

The Lost Evening

Alfred nervously tugged at his tie. The Butler's Ball with Miss Kyle had been lovely, really, but he had had a bit too much champagne. He still felt embarrassed that he had been forced to hand the keys to the Rolls to Miss Kyle.

He felt even more embarrassed that he could not remember much of the evening. Still, a gentleman never kissed and told. Assuming that there had been any kissing, that is.

He rang the bell at the apartment door, hearing it echo inside. Soft feet padded to the door and opened it.

"Why, Alfred! What brings you here this morning?" Selina Kyle all but purred. The old butler noted with discomfort that Miss Kyle was wearing a very short silk kimono, apparently over...ahem...nothing at all. This was not making things any easier. Still, he was a gentleman. He fished into his pocket and brought out the item and held it in his right hand.

"You left this in the Rolls, Miss Kyle," he said. "I...ah...have taken the liberty of washing and folding them for you. I thought you might have missed them."

Her eyes gleamed as she lifted the tiny pair of silk panties from his hand. "Why thank you, Alfred. I'd wondered where those got to. I really must go now, but thank you for returning them." She bent and kissed him on his forehead, then closed the door.

Alfred was left to drive home wondering WHAT on earth he was going to tell the master...


	3. Kiss and Tell

Lost Evening 3

Dick Grayson, age 16, reached around the huge bouquet of roses and pussywillows to ring the doorbell. He hadn't been to Selina's apartment in ages, but he truly owed her for the favor she'd done him and this was personal.

The door opened and Dick peered around the bouquet. Selina had a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin on her face as she caught his eye.

"For me?" she asked, nodding towards the bouquet.

"Absolutely," he said and thrust the bouquet into her arms. "I...uh...wanted to thank you."

"What for?" she purred. "Did I do a favor for you? Or for a little bird?"

Dick blushed. "Both of us, actually. First, you never told Bruce that you saw Barbara and I in the Rolls joyriding when he'd expressly told me not to touch the car..."

She smiled more widely, showing teeth. "And?"

"And...uh...Babs and I...we...uh..." Dick's red face grew even brighter, then burst out the rest of it. "Babs wants her underwear back. Do you think you could...um..."

Selina reached behind the door and presented Dick with a tiny pair of panties, clean and neatly folded. "You aren't going to tell Alfred whose panties these really are, are you?" she asked. "I'd like to leave him guessing."

Dick put the panties in his pocket and grinned back. "Oh never, Miss Kyle. I'd never kiss and tell."


	4. Repercussions

Selina sat at a patio table sipping her iced tea delicately. Such a nice day. The new Ettore's had installed outdoor seating and surrounded the area with beautiful shade trees and a trickling fountain, making it a good place to meet friends. Ah, and the friend was here now.

Richard Grayson, son of billionare Bruce Wayne, slid into the seat across from her with an insouciant smile. "Hi, Selina. I'm glad you agreed to meet with me."

"In a public venue," she purred. "Lest there be...trouble?" She took another sip of her iced tea. "That's quite a shiner you have there. Do you need me to beat anyone up for you?"

Dick blushed bright red. "Um, no." He replied. "I wanted to return these to you," he said, dipping into his jacket pocket. He held out a hand with a dainty pair of silk panties nestled in the palm. "When I tried to return these to Babs, she said that...um...they weren't hers and clocked me."

Stifling a giggle, Selina plucked the panties from Dick's hand and tucked them into her purse. "Really? Now why would she do a thing like that?"

Dick squirmed. She really did want the whole story. Damn. "Babs accused me of cheating on her since she never buys anything but cotton panties for herself. She wouldn't listen to my explanations and when I told her who I got these from , she went ballistic. So, no. They aren't hers. I...uh...found hers later under the back seat of the car."

"Do tell," Selina supressed her smile. Really, it was so difficult to be that young, not that she had ever been _that_ young. "Well, I have a suspicion who these might really belong to. I'll see them safely home."

"Thanks, Selina," Dick said and stood up. "I'd better get going." He slipped out of the seat and all but ran from the bistro.

Chuckling to herself, Selina enjoyed the tea and the scenery for a bit. Then she found her cell phone and hit a speed dial number and spoke briefly to the person at the other end.

Ten minutes later, a puzzled looking Bruce Wayne arrived and sat in the recently vacated seat. "Selina? What is it?" he asked. "Is there something wrong?"

Wordlessly, she removed the panties from her purse and laid them on the table.

Wayne's face went red. "I can explain..." he said.


	5. Whose Panties?

The Lost Evening

Alfred rang the doorbell at the by-now familiar apartment. He cleared his throat with nervousness and rang it again. Soon he heard the patter of catlike feet from the other side and the door opened.

"Yes?" Selina Kyle began, then recognized her visitor. "Why Alfred! To what do I owe this honor?"

Alfred fiddled with his bowler hat, held between his hands. My goodness, this was embarrassing. "Erm, Miss Kyle, it has come to my attention that a particular piece of ladies' lingere, which I had returned to you, might not belong to you after all. I would like to ...er...clarify some basic facts about the evening in question that..."

"One of the boys blabbed, huh?" she said.

"Well, yes. It is uncharacteristic of Master Dick to be closemouthed about certain things and, er.."

"You saw the black eye and got the whole story out of him, huh?" she said with a twinkle.

"Leading me to believe that certain...certain..._activities_ between you and I did not in fact occur..."

With a beaming smile, Selina decided to put Alfred out of his misery. "That's right, Alfred. Nothing happened that night between you and I. The panties aren't mine. It was just my little joke to let you think that something had happened." She gave him a soft look. "Not that I would have minded if it had."

Alfred felt himself blush as he hadn't in years. "Thank you, Miss Kyle for setting that straight."

"Oh, Alfred, " Selina purred. "You might want to ask Bruce whose panties those are."

"Indeed, Miss Kyle?" Alfred's eyebrows met in the center. "I will. Indeed, I will."


	6. The Panties find an Owner

Selena sat again at the tiny table at it Ettore's waiting for Bruce's arrival. She had to chuckle at the way these things had turned out. She had not intended to create the web of mistaken assumptions that had gotten Dick Grayson a black eye and a fight with his girlfriend, nor had she meant to embarrass Bruce Wayne. Not intentionally, anyway.

Selena pulled a pair of silk panties from her purse and admired the fine embroidery that decorated them. A simple pattern of tiny leaves and tendrils was repeated throughout the fabric. The panties were edged in delicate handmade lace that concealed small roses and ivy leaves. She sighed. The panties weren't hers, nor would she dare to wear them, Bruce having told her the name of the true owner.

She thought back to the lunch she had had yesterday with Bruce and smiled a catlike smile. Bruce had leaned forward, a look of panic in his eyes. "I can explain," he had said. "You can tell yourself who these panties belong to. For God sake, look at the embroidery, look at the lace, look at the color of the goddamned things!"

Selena had picked up the panties and did just that. A slow smile began to grow until she smiled a Cheshire cat grin at Bruce.

"However did you get away from her?" She laid the panties back down on the table.

"She was collecting millionaires at that time, seducing them, stealing their money and then murdering them. I set myself up as a target and… And…" Bruce's face was flushed. She had rarely seen either Bruce Wayne or Batman stutter with embarrassment.

"It's not as though we are exclusive," Selena purred. "I don't mind if you get it off with another woman."

"We were driving home from a late dinner when suddenly she was in my arms, totally naked. I threw her, and her clothing out of the car and hightailed it back to the Batcave to take an antidote," Bruce said in a low voice. "I was lucky that I didn't let her kiss me, or I'd be dead now."

"It looks like you missed some of her clothing," Selena purred. "I'll see to it that these get back to their proper owner."

Bruce Wayne stood up, a look of relief crossing his face. "Thank you, I appreciate that." He turned and walked away.

Selena chuckled and ordered herself another iced tea. Half an hour later one of her good friends strolled by the table. "Hi there," Selena said. "I think I found something that belongs to you."

Poison Ivy reached over and picked up the pair of pale green silk panties. "Oh, thank you so much! I hope it wasn't too much trouble?"

"Not so much," Selena said, her eyes twinkling. "You will be glad to hear that they did cause some Batman some inconvenience."

"I couldn't have hoped for more," Ivy smiled, tucking the panties away into her own purse. "Where did you find them?"

"I'm sorry but I can't tell you," Selena said. "This kitty doesn't kiss and tell."


End file.
